Shattered: Nowhere Left to Fall
by nelliesbones
Summary: What happens when Temperance Brennan falls freely? My take on Doctor in the Photo. Spoilerfree and M for a reason, but be warned, this is unlike the fluffy stuff you're used from me.
1. Breaking

_Author's note: PLEASE READ THIS FIRST! Lovely fellow Bones lovers. I wrote this story in the week between the promo and the ep. I was so anxious, so emotional. I expected to be heart-crushed. But right now I just want to hug and cuddle every single one of you. Starting with Emily, of course. I loved it so much! Everything about it. If you follow me on twitter, you probably got my ramblings. "I can adjust." "I did." "Yes, you did." Full circle. She knows now, and he knows that she does. However, I decided to post this fic full of despair after all. It's a different take on the whole storyline._

_All my love to dreamingahead who did an amazing beta job despite her snow shoveling and university duties. Love you, girl!_

Shattered (Nowhere Left to Fall)

I. Breaking

In a night full of darkness and fear – a long time ago – Temperance Brennan had allowed herself a glimpse into another world. A world where love wasn't a scary, unknown variable but the pillars of her being, strong enough to build a life upon. Sitting next to Booth's hospital bed, guarding his coma dream, she had written about the risks. The burdens whose weight we feel on our backs – but like wings they are burdens which allow us to fly.

Right now she could feel the weight again, but something was wrong with her wings. They seemed to have lost their ability to spread; they were resting on her back, pressing her down, broken and drenched like the rest of her...

When Booth parked the car in front of Brennan's building, the rain had stopped and his exhausted partner on the passenger seat had fallen asleep under the weight of her misery. He sighed, his heart aching at the sight of her so vulnerable.

She had spoken about regrets, the signal of the universe and the mistake she had made. And he had gotten the message – even the unspoken part. After all, he had _been_ there. But right now it felt like a lifetime ago.

Since their return from the other ends of the world, Seeley Booth hadn't allowed himself to look at Temperance Brennan too long or too deep. He had told her he had to move on, and so he did. In the last months he had tried to build himself another life, one with laughter, warmth and easiness. One that did not center around her.

Looking at her pale face in the sharp moonlight, he could still see traces of tears on her beautiful cheeks. Her long lashes were damp and dark, a touching contrast to the ivory tone of her skin. Though asleep, she didn't seem to be at peace, and Booth could only guess what was going on in her mind.

A year ago he had known her by heart – he could tell by the change of the blue in her eyes when something bothered or delighted her. But moving on had demanded sacrifices; the biggest of them being the familiarity with the one person who used to mean everything to him.

Booth let his eyes wander over her sleeping form. She was thinner than he remembered, and there were new furrows on her forehead, but, still, even in her darkest moment – she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.

Closing his eyes in desperation, Booth rubbed his face with his hands. He was with another woman now, and he couldn't allow himself to get too close to Temperance Brennan again. When it came to her, he was just like a stupid moth, circling around a flame that would – eventually – burn it.

Making his decision, he nudged her gently with his arm.

"Hey, Bones, you have to wake up. You're home."

She stirred, but mewed in protest, and the little whimper hit him with unexpected force, tenderness exploding in his chest, consuming him.

He caressed her cheek with the back of his hand.

"Bones, open your eyes, only a few stairs and you can crash."

The moment he made contact with her skin, feeling the softness of it, her own hand searched for his, clasping around it, and Booth freeze.

He had to stop this. Now. As fast as he could get her safely inside wouldn't be fast enough.

Debating his options another time, he finally disentangled his hand from her cold fingers and left the car. Opening her door, unfastening the seat belt and scooping her up in his arms happened in the blink of an eye, and Booth's heart got heavy as he noticed her unusual light weight.

Immediately, her head fell into the crook of his neck, and her scent invaded his nostrils. Booth fought against the forbidden longing that flooded his cells at the smell of lavender, rain and Temperance Brennan.

Taking a deep breath, he set himself in motion, entering her building. He had a woman waiting for him at home, and he was already walking on a thin line here.

A few minutes later they had made it into the sanctuary of her apartment, and he carried her straight into the bathroom, aware that she could not possibly sleep as soaked as she was.

"Bones."

No reaction.

"Bones, wake up. You have to change."

Her eyelids fluttered open, and Booth lost himself in baby blue despair. For a moment, before she blinked, he could feel himself falling into her pain.

Then she nodded in acceptance, and he set her down carefully, ready to catch her if her legs would not support her. But she stood, and as soon as he was sure that she would be safe, he turned away, giving her some space.

While he rummaged around in her kitchen in an attempt to brew a hot tea for her, two voices were fighting inside of his head. One yelled at him to flee, to rescue himself from the danger of being too close to this woman. Again.

The second voice didn't not scream at all; it was barely a whisper that reminded him of five years of caring about her. Telling her about pop culture and emotions. Holding her in guy hugs that had never been meaningless. Crashing on her couch at night, over empty Chinese boxes and case files.

It was the one he listened to, and when she finally emerged from her bathroom, clad in a huge pale pink terrycloth robe, he could see evidence of fresh tears on her cheeks.

"Thanks, Booth. I'm fine now. You can go."

Not even awaiting his response, she turned in the direction of her bedroom, closing the door behind her, and Booth found himself alone in her kitchen with a mug of tea that seemed to mock him.

A sigh of defeat left his chest, and he almost made it out of her apartment, when he heard the sobs. They seemed to be muffled – maybe by a pillow – but without a doubt she was crying again, and the sound of it broke his heart.

The voices in his head groaned in unison as he set himself in motion, silencing completely when he turned the doorknob.

"Bones... Temperance."

He could see her silhouette in the city's dim night light that shone in trough the windows. She was lying on her stomach, a pillow crushed to her chest.

"Booth," she tried to suppress her sobs, "please go home."

His voice was unusually high and broke on the last syllable.

"I can't..."

Slipping out of his shoes, he lowered himself onto the mattress next to her, not even caring anymore about his own wet clothes or the mistake he was going to make. The only though left was comforting her, and in doing so, somehow rescuing himself.

Reaching out to her was inevitable, and she went rigid in his arms. He ignored it, simply ignored it and pulled her closer, embracing her with his warmth.

"Booth, what are you doing?"

"I don't know. All I know is that I cannot leave you like this, it's tearing me apart."

Her voice was tortured, but she managed a last word of protest before her body gave in, finally melting against his. Her arms came around his back on a will of their own, and she buried her nose in the spot where his head met his shoulder, inhaling deeply.

The moment he felt her response, Booth couldn't hold back his own sobs anymore, and he almost suffocated her with the power of his embrace.

It was wrong, so wrong, for a million different reasons, but nothing about holding her like this _felt_ _wrong_, and in this very moment Booth didn't care about the consequences.

Searching her lips with his own, he met no resistance. She was soft, so soft, like rose petals and a hummingbird's wing. When her lips parted and he felt the tip of her warm tongue against his own, he fought against the tears, finally sliding home.

His hands roamed over her body, and cradling her sweet face in his palms, he explored the velvety depths of her mouth.

"Oh, Booth..."

He swallowed her moans, unwilling to hear any word of regret right now.

Being kissed and held by her partner, Brennan felt as if the world was quaking, and she clung to his strong body for dear life. He was light and warmth, and with him gone, she would be numb again. He tasted like meals in the Diner, drinks at the Founding Father's and take-out at night. Everything was so new and familiar at the same time that Brennan had no strength to resist.

Her hands found their way to the buttons of his shirt on their own, and her body was vibrating with life, every ounce of desperation being washed away by the sensations he was creating.

Soon his naked chest was pressed to her clothed one, and she felt his heat warming her through the robe.

He discarded the rest of his clothes with impatient kicking, his hand loosening the tie of her robe at the same time until he could bury his face in the satiny skin between her breasts. _Her breasts_. Unable to stand the temptation, he showered the soft curves with sweet kisses, finally tugging one taut nipple into his mouth.

It elicited a whimper from her, and he sucked harder, addicted to the noises she made.

Since his return from Afghanistan, Seeley Booth had felt as if he was falling freely. As if he was leading someone else's life. What he hadn't known was that he was falling into her.

Landing directly on top of her.

When she parted her legs in silent invitation, he settled between her thighs and stilled, looking into her eyes a very last time before it was too late. Before he buried himself into her, finally joining them in the last connection they had never made, crossing a line that could never be uncrossed again.

He saw the moth and its flame in the blue orbs and an ocean that was so rough to sail that he had settled for the second best; a safe haven that could never make him forget how wide the ocean was, how thrilling its waves.

A year ago this boat had been broken, and Booth knew that more healing had to take place before it could be whole again, but – however battered it was – not boat could possibly withstand the call of the sea. After all, it was its nature. It was what it was made for.

The moment before he touched her so intimately for the first time, he saw paths in his mind; some he had chosen, others he could still choose, but for the first time he was able to take in the whole picture; the overwhelming clarity that there was no path that would not – eventually – lead him to her.

There was nothing in this world that would make Seeley Booth as whole as Temperance Brennan could.

Then he entered her.

Home. He was home.

A home he had never known before, but with certainty that is very hard to find in this world – maybe once or twice in a lifetime, and only if you're very lucky – he knew it to be true. There was nothing in this world that could ever feel as right as this woman.

She whimpered, as he stretched her fully, her legs widened in acceptance – knowing that although this was the wrong thing at the wrong time, there was no way not to do it. Not to love him. Not to welcome him.

His face pressed into her hair, his arm securely around her shoulder blades, Booth began to move, stroking in and out of her in a rhythm that mimicked the rolling of the ocean.

Her fingers digging into the small of his back, she pulled him in deeper, his movement being the only lifeline left.

"Booth, Booth..."

She almost cried his name, and he forced himself to leave the silkiness of her thick, dark hair to search her gaze. He did not move his lips, but as he continued to slide in and out of her, his eyes were speaking; telling about everything and nothing until all that was left were naked emotions.

Tears were pooling again, and both of them blinked them aside, unwilling to lose any fiber of this connection; unaware that there are things in this world that cannot be lost.

Then she arched her back, throwing her head into the pillows, and the contractions started, drawing him in tighter and tighter.

His nails cutting into her hips, he thrust with full force, his unrestrained passion almost painful, as he hit her until there was nothing left to break.

Without closing her eyes she came apart, and the intensity in her gaze sent him over the edge as well. Trembling and pumping and trembling he filled her, his hot seed shooting into her body with desperate power.

Crossing her ankles behind his back, Brennan tried to hold him as close as possible. She knew that their time was borrowed, stolen even, and she dreaded the moment when he would pull away from her. So she kissed him another time, almost bruising his mouth, drinking from him as if she was drowning.

And truth be told: She was. For all her life, Temperance Brennan had been good at building walls, but tonight she was nude; the shattered pieces of her self-defense lying on the floor around her. Her three days of upside down not over yet.

His heartbeat returned to normal, but still he was buried in the sweetness that was his partner.

Lifting his head, he brushed her damp bangs out of her eyes, stealing another kiss from her swollen lips.

Then realization hit him.

Brennan knew the exact moment when fear and guilt overwhelmed him, and although he was still deep inside of her, she could sense his retreat.

Fully aware that she owed him and herself at least some dignity, she closed her eyes, loosening her grip on him.

The second he rolled down from her, she felt cold invading every pore of her body, and she wrapped the forgotten robe tightly around herself, determined to stay calm until he would be gone.

Watching him collecting his clothes was too much, though, and with eyes wide shut, Brennan recited every bone in the human body, trying not to feel.

Then he was fully dressed.

"Bones..."

Breathe. 'Mandible. Maxilla. Palatine bone. Colombo. Oreo.᾽ Breathe.

"It's okay, Booth. You can leave," she finally managed to say.

"I... I'm sorry..."

She heard him fleeing, his footsteps heavy with anxiety and grief. Then her door closed, and Brennan took another deep breath.

"I'm sorry as well. For being too late."

She shifted onto her stomach again, a pillow in her arms, right there where his solid body had been only a few moments ago. She felt dampness at the insides of her thighs – his seed mingled with her own fluids, dripping out of her.

Proof of life.

And betrayal.

More stars appeared on the firmament, their dust providing mankind with the romantic magic of a glistening starry sky. But tonight every star was a sob, every sparkle a falling tear. And heaven joined one lonely woman in mourning something great that had almost happened.

-BONES-

What had he done?

What had he done?

Seeley Booth had done many things in his life he wasn't proud of, but never before had he been unfaithful. He wasn't a cheater.

Riding the empty streets of Washington D.C., Booth could still smell the lingering scent of her and their lovemaking.

What had he done?

Tonight he had betrayed the trust of two women he valued so highly.

What had he done?

When he had met Hannah in Afghanistan, he had felt old and defeated. She had brought back the life, the laughter.

He respected and adored her, but now he realized that he had been living a lie. His own words were haunting him. _Bones, you are the standard. _How could he have been stupid enough to think that a revelation like that might change because of lightheaded fun underneath a fig tree?

He had wanted to be happy with Hannah, but it seemed that Gordon Gordon was right after all. As ludicrous as it might be sometimes, the heart chooses what it chooses. People have no say in that matter.

And his heart was beating for a brilliant forensic anthropologist with big pleading eyes, as blue and wide as the ocean.

For her and her alone.

Unlocking his front door an hour later, the words tumbled out of his mouth.

"I have slept with Bones."

_PLEASE, listen to me one more time. If you're angry right now and want to yell... believe me, I've always been the first to protest, "He would never cheat." But sometimes people – even the honest and strong ones – have weak moments and do something they're not proud of. TPTB made him say, "no," with so much grace, and this time I take their story over mine. However, please read the next chapter, and if you're still angry then, abandon me. _


	2. Healing

II. Healing

The end of a relationship is the evil twin of Cupid's sweet promise of hope and possibilities that marks its beginning. Some weak people might seek refuge in sarcasm and bitterness; others, the stronger or crazier ones, keep on searching for the only soul that could fill all the former struggles with sense.

Seeley Booth didn't belong to either of them.

In the weeks after his break-up with Hannah he did not need the shelter of denial, nor could the glorified concept of love in general soothe his pain.

However, he had always believed in fate, and this belief was what helped him through.

Hannah's reaction didn't surprise him too much. Sure, she had been hurt and angry, but she had packed her bags and left him with strength and grace. She would stay in D.C. for as long as her current assignment required it, and then she would move on. Booth really hoped that he could talk to her a last time beforehand, but for now he had to be alone.

It astonished him how much he could avoid Brennan – given the circumstance that they were partners. For the first time he realized how much effort he had really made to see her on a daily basis in the past, how used he had been to her proximity.

Moth.

Flame.

From the very first time when he had spotted her in a crowded lecture hall, her presence filling the big space so easily, he had felt himself attracted to her. Had he known the truth about Temperance Brennan back then, he might have turned around on his heels without a glance back.

But he hadn't. So he had stayed. Had gotten addicted to her. Like a treasure hunter he had collected pieces of knowledge about her over the years, those little fragments that made her so special. How she used to hide behind science and facts when she got scared. How her neck started to hurt in always the same spot after a day spent bending over an autopsy table. How her cool exterior mislead people.

Protecting her had become his second nature, but he hadn't taken into consideration that there was one thing he couldn't shield her from. Herself.

When he had bared his heart to her, in a night where even the wind seemed to hold its breath, he had forced her to face her biggest fear.

Losing him.

Had he listened past her negative reply, he might have gotten that she had never said, "I don't want to." Just, "I can't." But he hadn't listened, his own misery too strong, and so he had missed to tell her that he never ever wanted her to change.

His ridiculous attempt to move on had forced her to build even more walls around herself, and part of him had been thankful. With every brick that separated them, the distance between them had gotten stronger, and with the light of her gone, he could almost forget how bright it used to shine.

Almost.

Hannah had been his safety net, and even though he had never meant to use her, she had rescued him. He hadn't needed to be strong for her or better or more intelligent. Just being Seeley had been enough.

There had been nothing life-shattering about their relationship, no moment where he had looked at her to find himself mesmerized by freckles he hadn't known before. And even though compassion and tenderness are only the shadows of a man's big feelings, he had loved her. In another way.

Until he had found Temperance Brennan in a dark and rainy street, her world upside down, the light almost gone and stronger than ever at the same time.

There was no excuse for taking her to bed, and he was man enough not to try to find one. He had let her down just as much as Hannah, but buried in the perfection of his partner's body, he had realized that he couldn't live in denial anymore.

He had regrets, and not only a few, but he couldn't rue the one thing he should above everything else. Booth knew that he had chosen the worst moment ever to cross that line with Brennan, and he felt guilty for that. But he couldn't muster any regret about the fact that he had kissed her. Touched her. Loved her.

-BONES-

Six weeks after the night in the rain that changed everything, Booth saw the number that used to be so familiar on his cell.

"Leaving D.C. tomorrow morning. Meet me for lunch?"

Hannah.

Taking a deep breath, Booth sent a text back, finally ready to make his peace.

She was already waiting for him when he entered the Diner, her blonde curls vibrating with energy.

He gave her a weak smile full of apologies.

"Hi, Hannah."

"Seeley..."

They ordered coffee and pie, silence settling over them until he finally cleared his throat.

"For what it's worth, I cannot begin to tell you how sorry I am."

She regarded him wordlessly for a moment, stirring her coffee with a spoon.

"Seeley, the first thing I noticed about you was your pain. Believe me, there's is something true about the breathtaking beauty of pain. But the moment you've mentioned Temperance, your eyes started to glow. It was that sparkle which made me want to have you."

Taking a sip of her coffee, she tilted her head.

"But there is only one thought that can make a man glow like that. And for you, Seeley, this thought has never been me."

"Hannah, I-"

She stopped him with a gesture of her hand.

"You never meant to hurt me? I know. I'm not stupid, I'm fully aware that you've tried, and I knew that I was gambling when I came here."

She shrugged her shoulders, but there was no defeat in her posture.

"Now I've lost. I have to admit, it hurts. But I've always felt that when it would come to the bottom of things, when it had to be me or her..."

She stopped, swallowing hard.

"It's her Seeley. She's the only one that can make your eyes light up. Just like you are the only man who can do it for her."

Booth couldn't help but grab her hands.

"She never meant to betray you, and neither did I."

"You don't have to tell me that. I've seen how much she cares about you – enough to let you be with me in the first place. And I know you. You're one of the good men, Seeley Booth."

"Hannah, I wish things were different..."

"I wish the same, and maybe, in a world without her, we could have been amazing. But you cannot live in a world without her. Or should, for that matter. I'm being very selfless right now, but I tell you, go to her. Grab her. Don't let her go again."

Squeezing her hands a final time, Booth pulled some notes out of his wallet, throwing them onto the table. He had her forgiveness, and those two people exchanged a last gaze, saying goodbye to everything they had shared.

-BONES-

One year ago Booth had worn his fatigues, and Brennan had told him not to be a hero. One year ago he had given her a promise.

The meeting with Hannah had lifted a part of the burden from his heart. He knew that it would take a while before he could really forgive himself, but it was time to fulfill his promises again.

He had barely spoken to his partner in the last weeks, and the few times he hadn't been able to avoid her, had been awkward. So he had no idea if she would show up as well, but today was the day where he would get his life back.

When the reflecting pool came into his field of view, he saw the mahogany-haired woman sitting on the bench, a cup of coffee in her hands. It was time to face his demons...

Ever since Temperance Brennan had cried herself to sleep, the scent of her partner on an empty pillow, she had been on edge.

Her first impulse had been to flee, but then she remembered that fleeing was what had gotten her into this mess in the first place. So she had tried the insane thing: hoping for a different outcome.

She had rebuilt her strength and composure, but not her walls. Even with her world right side up again, she saw everything in a different way. Maybe for the first time in her life she truly _saw_ at all.

Brennan didn't know if Booth had been able to notice it – given the fact that he barely looked at her these days – but she had made an effort not to hide. She was bare to him, and whenever he would be ready to talk to her, she would be there.

When Angela had told her about his break-up with Hannah, guilt and hope had tugged at her heart equally strong. Brennan felt bad for her own weakness in that night when he had brought her home, but relief overshadowed her grief.

Saying that sleeping with Booth had been an epiphany would be a cliché, but Brennan carried the memory of their night light like a precious treasure in her heart – the same heart she had ignored for so long.

One year ago they had given each other the promise to meet at a special place at a certain time.

Today she was here, with no hope that he would show up as well, but she simply had to come.

Another full circle.

Suddenly a shadow fell over her, shielding her from the mild sun light and interrupting her musings. Brennan lifted her head to find brown eyes looking at her, and her heart stopped.

"Hi, Booth."

She registered lines in his face that hadn't been there a few weeks ago. His brown orbs were deep and unable to read.

He took a breath and a seat, and she waited for him to speak. When he finally did so, his voice was almost too low to understand.

"I've made a stupid mistake, Bones. I cheated on the woman I loved."

Her insides cringed, taken aback by his brutally honest words.

"And then I cheated again. This time on a woman that loved me."

His sentence sunk in, and she gasped, tentatively reaching for his hand.

"What are you saying?"

"That I loved you."

His shoulders were slumped in defeat.

"That I have always loved you. You're the only one for me, Bones, and I broke some hearts trying to forget this."

"Booth, I'm so sorry. Turning you down is the biggest regret of my life. I," her voice faltered, her body shaken with silent sobs.

"I didn't know how to change for you, Booth, but I knew that you deserved a woman that isn't as scarred as I am."

"But don't you see that I never asked you to change? To me, you are perfect, Temperance. Just perfect."

His confession came on a whisper, almost overheard.

"Booth... I know. I know it now; I knew it the minute I told Hannah about the phone. I really tried to be happy for you, but I saw you kissing her, and all I could think was, 'That should be me.᾽ I witnessed the two of you and saw the chances I had missed. What I had given up. Then this case came along, throwing everything into my face with brutal clarity. Booth, I can name my mistake..."

He looked at their twined fingers, bringing them to his mouth, gently brushing his lips over her knuckles.

"Temperance, I need time."

She nodded, a tear falling onto her trousers, leaving behind a damp spot on the rough fabric.

"I understand. But be sure, Booth, whenever you're ready, I'll be there. If there is any possibility that you... you... might love me again, I'll hope for it."

He had no strength to lie to her.

"I've never stopped loving you. I never could. But I need time to heal. The next time I take you in my arms, I want to be sure that I can stay. That I will awake with you next to me. That there is nothing able to separate us again."

"I get it. I will be there. For as long as you want to."

He turned his head to look at her fully, and the rawness in his hazelnut depths cut her deeply.

"I want nothing less than forever, Bones. I won't settle for the second best ever again."

She swallowed against the tightness in her throat.

"Then forever it is, Booth. You know, you're the only one for me as well. I.. I-"

He interrupted her with a curt shake of his head.

"Don't say it. Too much has already been said in despair. When I hear these words from you for the first time, it should be because of joy and hope, not because you're afraid you might lose me."

Taking a deep breath, she nodded one more time.

"I won't change my mind, Booth. Everything you feel, I feel it as well. And I'm not afraid of it anymore because nothing can be scarier than the fear that I have missed my chance. I fell so deep in the last months. I need you to catch me. No regrets anymore."

Letting go of her hand, he cupped her cheek with his palm, and she surrendered herself to his caress. Leaning closer until their foreheads touched, he grazed her soft skin with his thumbs, their breaths mingling.

"You're the only one who can catch me as well."

Then his lips whispered over her own, barely a touch, more a promise. And not for a second did she flinch or hesitate.

"I love you, Temperance."

He let go of her hand and lifted himself to his feet. Caressing her cheek once more, he set himself in motion, walking away from her for the last time.

-BONES-

This time it was Cam who told Brennan the news that Booth had taken two weeks off to spend some time with his Pops in a cabin in the mountains.

Brennan accepted it with resignation – what else could she do?

She wasn't as calm as she appeared to be, but inside of her the flame of hope was flickering, and she nurtured it with care. He hadn't left her for good. He just needed time.

More than a year ago, when he had asked her to give this a shot, she had lied to him. She had told him that he was the one who needed to be protected. Truth be told, she had been a coward. She couldn't allow herself to believe that she was able to make him happy. The desire to wrap her arms around him had been strong, but she simply couldn't give in.

For a very important moment she had forgotten that he had faith in her, and that his belief might be enough. Brennan valued her partner's opinion above everyone else's, and she had made the mistake not to trust him.

While she had been away in Maluku, she had dreamed about Booth – and not only literally. She had granted herself the luxury to imagine a life with him, and when they had returned, something had changed for her.

But apparently for him as well.

The first time Brennan had heard the name "Hannah" was probably one of the first times in her life she understood a metaphor. _Serious as a heart attack_. Before Brennan's brain had had a chance to process the new information fully, her guts had already clenched. That had been new as well. She wasn't the one to go with her gut – never had been. But something inside of her had sharply protested at the thought of Booth together with the smiling, blonde woman; something had felt wrong, and maybe for a second a flicker of this wrongness had shown on her face. Then the moment had been gone, and her brain had taken control again, accepting the new fact. Booth had fallen in love in Afghanistan.

She _had been_ happy for Booth. His sad face had been haunting her during her time in Maluku, and seeing him smile again had been such a relief. But... somehow it hadn't felt that way. It had felt as if she had missed a sailing time she hadn't even been aware of. As if everybody else was running towards an aim, and she was still standing at the beginning of the line – with no idea as to what the aim was, just the overwhelming certainty that she herself should be running as well. But running in which direction?

Her brilliant mind had not failed to remind her that it was the way she had wanted it. It was, like she had told Angela, a life as expected – but she hadn't expected the shallowness that was filling her so deeply, pulsating inside of her, pleading her to be replaced with warmth and purpose.

Seven months away from the brown in his eyes and the smile on his face had changed her perspective. But it seemed as if it was too little and too late. So she had stepped away one more time – to make room for Hannah.

Then Booth had asked Hannah to move in with him. Brennan had processed the new information with a bright smile plastered on her face, although the idea of his partner sharing a home with another woman had disturbed her deeply. Said feeling was only heightened when Hannah herself had sought her advice about a housewarming present.

The phone had come to her mind immediately. After the Amish case they had talked about the advantages of civilization, and Booth had admitted his love for this antique piece of technology. Brennan had always wanted to buy one for him, but somehow there had never been the right occasion for such a personal present. It seemed perfect to mark the beginning of a shared life, though, and so Brennan had stepped away one more time. Booth would get his perfect phone... but not from her.

It had been an act of selflessness, and Brennan had felt truly happy to help Hannah finding a gift for Booth. No, she had to admit, that wasn't completely true. She was happy for Booth getting what he desired, not for Hannah to have given it to him. Having failed as a player in the game called love, Brennan had been in sweet agony watching it as a spectator – but she had tried her best to cheer for her team. For Booth.

The pleasure on his face when he had seen the phone had been her own. His delighted smile when he had picked up the receiver, hearing the sonorous tone had caused her own face to beam. 'I should have given him this phone a long time ago,' she had thought, but again, it had been too late for that. And for the first time she had to look away when Booth had given Hannah a happy kiss. It was one of those pictures where you have to find a mistake, and suddenly Brennan had known the mistake. Like she had told Booth, s_he_ should have been the woman in his arms.

And now Hannah was gone, and everything that had been lost could be real again.

Over the months the blonde journalist had been with Booth, Brennan had gotten to like her. Hannah was smart, strong, able to stand her ground, and under different circumstances they might have become true friends.

But not even Temperance Brennan was selfless enough to befriend a woman who was sharing a bed with the man she, Brennan, loved.

While Booth was out of town, she made an effort not to bury herself in work but to reach out to her friends. She was hoping for a life with Booth, but the case with Lauren had hit too close to home, and Brennan didn't want to be alone anymore. She did not want to have any regrets, and no matter what the outcome would be, she needed to feel.

She enjoyed some quality time with Angela and her unborn godchild, she allowed herself a Saturday morning stroll over the market, and she had fun in practicing new yoga moves.

Even her writing was fruitful – it seemed as if the painful lesson she had learned could enrich her fictional world as well.

So Saturday night found her clad in comfortable pants and an old sweater, a glass of expensive red wine next to her laptop on the table. And for the first time in a while, Temperance Brennan was truly content.

The knock on her door surprised her, but when she opened it and saw Booth standing there, a candid smile playing around his lips, she felt her wings again – and this time, they spread widely, lifting her to a sphere of perfect rightness.

"I saw your lights from the road."

"I left them on for you."


	3. Growing

III. Growing

"_I saw your lights from the road."_

"_I left them on for you."_

Both of them remembered another night, and with a beautiful smile on her face, she opened the door wider until he could step in.

He smelled like cold and night air, but his features were calm, his eyes unguarded. He wore jeans and a casual shirt, his handsome face smooth and at peace.

"You want a beer?"

"Yes, please."

Watching her while she made her way to the fridge, Booth felt as if another fragment of his being fell back into place. Slowly he walked to her couch, taking a seat. Handing him the cold bottle, she made one more detour to fetch her own glass of wine.

"Am I disturbing anything?"

She shook her head.

"No, I was just writing."

"How is it going?"

"Fine. The deadline for my first draft is next month, and I'm very confident."

"So soon? I didn't know."

Booth was truly surprised to find out how much he had missed about her daily life.

"Well, we hadn't had a chance to talk properly in a while."

There was no blame in her voice, it was just a statement – nevertheless, he felt sorry for so many wasted moments.

"I've missed it, Bones. This. Us."

"Me too..."

Both took a sip of their respective beverages and comfort covered them like a cozy blanket.

"You had a nice trip?"

Booth nodded.

"Yeah, it was good to catch up with Pops. The old guy has a refreshing view on things."

"I like him," she stated, remembering the charming old man.

A soft smile tugged at his lips.

"He likes you as well. You know, he's never been so fond of Hannah, though."

"Well, maybe Hank just didn't know her. She is very likeable."

Booth shrugged.

"He met you first; I think _that_ was the mistake."

Her head flung around.

"Mistake?"

Taking another sip, he pondered his choice of words.

"No, not a mistake. Just the reason. I suppose there is simply no one who can bear comparison with you."

Still confused, she frowned.

"I think that was a compliment."

"Yes, it was."

"Then... thank you."

"Bones, I..." he rubbed his face with his palm, unsure how to continue.

"I want to apologize for so many things, but I don't know how."

She looked at him with a serious facial expression.

"Can't we just say we're even?"

"Do you really think we're even?"

"Well, I hurt you by saying, 'No᾽."

"I didn't listen to your reasons and came back with another woman."

"I pretended as if I didn't care."

"I refused to see how much it affected you."

"I let you stay with me that night."

"I stayed."

"Do you regret it?"

Even though she was afraid of his answer, she had to know.

"It should have felt wrong, and I regret the betrayal. But being with you," he searched her eyes, "I could never regret that. Do you?"

"No, I feel the same."

"I have a confession to make."

She arched an eyebrow at him, feeling anxious again.

"Huh?"

"I love your body."

A wholehearted laughter left her mouth, and her eyes were smiling.

"The feeling is mutual, Booth."

He chuckled, nudging her with his shoulder.

Suddenly it seemed as if she was sitting too far away, and his features got serious anew.

"May... may I hold you?"

"Yes, oh, yes!"

Taking his bottle from him, she placed their beverages on the table, turning to him.

He simply looked at her for a moment, drinking her in, before he outstretched his hand.

She not only accepted it but crawled into his lap until their chests were pressed to each other. His arms closed around her back, cradling her tenderly, and while he buried his face in her hair, he gently rocked her.

"Hmm..."

Stroking her back until he could cup her nape with his palm, he inhaled her deeply.

"I love your scent. I think I'd recognize you with eyes closed everywhere."

"There is a scientific explanation for that, Booth," she murmured, "but something tells me you're not interested in it. Maybe what you'd like to hear is that I react to your scent as well. I love the after-shave you only wear on special occasions, and underneath the detergent and your shower gel there's just Booth."

He placed a kiss next to her ear.

"Yes, I like hearing that."

"Do you want to hear more?"

"Whatever you want to tell me, Bones."

Wrapping her arms around his neck, she rested her head on his shoulder.

"I love your strength. You make me feel safe, and although I'm not as strong as you are, I want to give you the same feeling."

Nuzzling her neck with his lips, he whispered.

"You do."

"Your voice. It's very soothing, and the things you say are always worth being listened to. I want you to be proud of me."

"I am."

Rubbing her nose against his cheek, she closed her eyes in sheer pleasure.

"I love your honesty and loyalty."

"Yeah, I'm working on that."

She didn't miss his bitter tone.

"Booth, I'm as guilty as you are. Do you think she can ever forgive us?"

"She already did. She's very gracious."

"Maybe I should write to her."

"Give it time, Bones."

Brennan had to close her eyes for the next confession.

"I'm scared I might not be worth it. What you gave up to be with me."

She felt his arms clenching around her.

"Won't happen. You complete me. Without you, there is no way I can be whole. You're in this with me, right?"

She nodded vehemently.

"Yes, I," her voice was hoarse but sincere, "I love you. I want to be with you."

If she had been brave enough to lift her head, Brennan would have seen the glow of pure joy on his face, his eyes lightning up exactly like a very smart observer had described it. But she wasn't brave enough, and so she simply listened to his heartbeat, strong and reassuring.

"Say it again."

His demand stirred her, and this time she dared leaving her comfort zone on his shoulder, looking into his eyes.

"I love you."

Mesmerized by the warmth that radiated from him, Brennan felt as if her chest was too tight.

"And I love you, Bones. Always."

His smile was her own, and when he closed the distance between their heads, she didn't shut her eyes, spellbound by the intensity in his gaze.

His lips were soft and real, brushing over her – once, twice – until they finally pressed firmly against hers, encouraging her to welcome him. And welcome she did – his breath, his velvety tongue, his love.

Cradling his face in her palms, she held him in place while he deepened the kiss until she lost herself completely in her partner.

They were sitting like this for a long while – kissing and stroking and rocking – carried by wings that were so mighty, so dazzling that the rest of the world seemed to be small and unimportant in comparison.

When they finally broke apart, there was pure heat in his gaze, as he tucked an unruly strand of hair behind her ear.

In silent agreement she lifted her arms until he could pull the sweater over her head, ruining his former attempt to smooth her hair. His shirt was next, and she opened the buttons without procrastination.

Her hands roaming over his chest, she admired the broadness and the perfect structure of his muscles underneath her fingertips. Unable to resist, she brought her lips to his collarbone, sucking gently.

He moaned, and the sound of it shot liquid energy straight to her core. It had been a while since Brennan had gotten that wet by listening to a man, and she breathed deeply, embracing the sensation.

Then his hands were traveling down her arms until they closed around her wrists. He could encircle them effortlessly, and she felt so female and desirable faced with his size.

His tongue was tracing patterns along her jawline, and she tilted her head to give him better access.

Grinding against him, she could feel him growing between her legs, and primal longing flooded her. A gasp left her mouth, followed by his name.

He lifted his head to look into her eyes.

"You're so beautiful, Temperance."

"So are you, Booth."

"Let me make love to you."

"Yes, please."

Getting rid of their trousers wasn't easy, but neither of them was willing to leave their current position, and finally nothing more than their underwear separated them. Booth could feel her heat where she was settled on top of him, and he couldn't stop himself from rocking into her from below.

"Oh, Booth..."

Her bra was next, and he unclasped the dark blue garment expertly until her breasts were bare to his eyes.

Soft curves, milky white skin, dusky areolas.

He took his time to worship this female part of her, and she had almost reached a point of impatience when he finally closed his lips around one hard nipple. Grazing the other one with his thumb, Booth gently circled her with his tongue, then swapped.

It was perfect, just perfect.

Brennan could have made an oath that there was a direct connection from her breasts to her lower belly, and she spread her legs in anticipation, eager to feel him closer.

Eventually, her own hand found its way into his boxers, gently brushing over his satiny length. He was hard and hot, and she had to grip him tighter.

His head fell to her shoulder, and his cry was muffled by her own flesh as his teeth sunk into her, marking her. The pain was distant and only heightened her arousal.

His own hands slid around her back to her buttocks, and without warning her squeezed her, pushing her hard against his own body.

Twin moans filled the air between them, their lips searching for each other anew, and when his fingers brushed alongside the seam of her panties, she closed her eyes in pleasant anticipation.

Two more tentative strokes, and finally he tucked the fabric aside, making contact with overheated skin. He groaned as he felt the wetness pooling at the juncture of her legs, unable not to bury his finger deep inside of her for the first time.

Her eyes flew open – baby blue burning into dark chocolate brown – and he observed her reactions to his touch, completely in awe and over the moon in love with her. Her pupils were dilated, her cheeks flushed, a few damp tendrils stuck to her brow.

Had he not been convinced that she was the most beautiful woman ever, he would be by now.

Stroking her without haste, Booth savored the way she squirmed on top of him, utterly adorable and so hot.

"Bones, one day we need to have a serious talk about that open heart you claimed not to have – but not now."

His words barely made it through the fogs of desire that were clouding her mind, but once they sunk in, she simply smiled.

"I can assure you that I feel very... open right now."

He kissed her with a smile.

"Come for me, Babe."

Her brow furrowed in protest.

"No! Not like this. I want to feel you inside of me."

"And you will. But please, Temperance, give me this one," he whispered.

He was stroking her in earnest now, a second finger joining in the first, his thumb flickering over her most sensitive spot.

She whimpered.

"This is not fair."

"All is fair in love and war, my dear."

Weakness invaded her limbs, soon replaced by a very familiar tingle that started deep inside her body.

"Booth..."

"Sh, it's okay, I've got you. Come for me."

He could feel her muscles contract, and a third finger came into play, stretching her fully.

"You're mean..." she was able to utter, before ecstasy overwhelmed her and she pulsated uncontrollably around his fingers.

Swallowing her gasps with his mouth, he continued to pleasure her; her fluids covering his hand as he dove in and out of her until the clenching of her inner muscles finally subsided, leaving her boneless and spent.

"Thank you, Temperance, thank you."

He showered her head with feather-light kisses and terms of endearment, grateful for her trust and her passion.

When she was able to move again, she lifted her head, regarding him with faked grudge.

"That was malicious."

"No, Baby, that was amazing. You are... wow. Just wow."

He smiled at her so adoringly that she couldn't maintain her upbraiding.

"Well, I'll consider forgiving you."

Winking, he leaned closer to her.

"Phew, such a relief."

"Now you're smirking, but wait until I fall asleep on you when we make love."

The unrestrained passion in his kiss took her by surprise.

"Won't happen."

Without much ado he lifted her to remove her soaked panties – soon followed by his own boxers – and when she settled back on top of him, they were skin to skin with no barrier left.

Raising her one more time, he aligned himself properly, and when he lowered her, she gripped him like a tailor-made glove, inch by sweet inch, until they were completely joined.

Her head fell to his shoulder, her arms clutching his back.

"Oh..."

"That's it. You feel it?"

Nodding wildly, she agreed with all her heart. This could never be explained by brain chemistry or logic. This was pure, eternal, primordial. Everything. Just _it_.

"I love you."

She sobbed, but he heard her and caught her.

"I love you more."

"Not possible."

He cupped her chin with his fingers, forcing her eyes to focus.

"You wanna argue?"

Shaking her head vigorously, she almost cried.

"Hell, no!"

Laughing and kissing and feeling, Booth started to rock in perfect synchrony with her – in a dance as old as the wind and every boat that had ever sailed the ocean.

His movements were slow but steady, as he gripped her hips to support her swaying circles.

Her skin felt so warm where he made contact with her; as if energy was streaming from his body into hers and right back – until everything around them was humming and vibrating.

Searching for his lips, she kissed him with desperate force, biting his lower lip until he growled and his thrusts got more erratic and powerful.

Then she felt him getting harder and impossibly harder inside of her – and his eyes were glued to hers in shock and agony, as he tried to delay the inevitable, but this time she was ready to catch him, so she gently caressed his face.

"It's okay, Booth, you can fall. I'm here."

Unable to resist her sweet words, his tremors vibrated through her, and when he exploded deep inside of her, the power of his release took her breath away until they were both falling and catching each other.

Like it had always been.

-BONES-

Later, much later that night, Seeley Booth and Temperance Brennan were intertwined in each other underneath the private comfort of her blankets. Moonlight was their only witness as sleepiness got the best of them, and love and peace were lingering in the air.

With vulnerability one can only feel in the surreal moments between wake and dream, she pressed her face closer into his chest, kissing the scarred spot next to his shoulder blade.

"I'm so glad you saw my lights."

He placed a gentle peck on her hairline, and even in the blissful slumber that followed, Brennan couldn't stop smiling.

The End

_Okay, I'm anxious. What do you think?_


End file.
